's really hard to talk about what makes us feel bad, or what causes us pain.
The past weeks have been so surreal, so ... I do not know how to explain.
I come from a very peculiar. The family from my mom feel more mine than anyone, because my parents divorced when I was 3 years old and I lived with my grandparents and my uncles practically the first 5 years of my life, and then when I was 15 years I returned to the house.
My mom comes from a family of 10 children, including herself. Eight women and two men. It is a relatively young family, my grandparents have none over 65 years. My aunt, the largest has only 40 and the youngest was 27.
grew up with the last 2 brothers from my mom, Carlos took me 7 years and Angel who took me 9. I always felt comfortable with them, I saw more and more like my brothers and my uncles, even now that I no longer live there, saw them as my friends.
As I said, we are a very peculiar family, because, though many (we are 18 grandchildren in total and counting), we are very close, especially my aunts, my mom's sisters. In my immediate family are my mom, my stepfather, my two brothers (a 4 month old, and Charlie, 4 years old) and me.
However, last year our ties were severely tested ...
My Uncle Angel was a great person, I do not ever have seen him angry, sad yes, but I never addressed a word offensive or hurtful in the 20 years I knew him. He was the prototype of what I thought all guy should be, was handsome and I always made her propaganda with beautiful girls I knew, was very intelligent, had good taste in clothes, a really cool character and a passion for fast cars and beautiful, also liked motorcycles and I remember when I was small, He said that one day I was having a Carraro and I would take him to spin. He fulfilled his promises, more than once I took a ride on his motorcycle and his yellow Corvette, then bought a Mustang 40 Anniversary and I was the only one of all his nieces to whom you lend your car without thinking. Here is one of their bikes.
As I said, last year we tested all my family and me.
One Friday morning we woke up the radio call from one of my uncles, Carlos, shouted desperately Angel was my mom had an accident, Mama, Carlos (my stepfather) and I got scared so much. Mom and Charles were at that time to the accident site, and I can safely say that he had never been so afraid. Trying to contact my uncle Carlos again to ask for Angel, if he was OK, what happened, but nobody answered. Then I talked to one of my aunts, who was already on the scene, and she was upset worse, I could not speak well and cried a lot.
I knew something was wrong when I heard so .
I'm Catholic, so initially because I was raised, now my conviction, and in that moment I began to pray all I knew. I knew something had happened, something bad and did not know who else to turn. I communicate at but nobody said anything until I spoke with the husband of one of my aunts, and told me that Angel had suffered a very serious accident that had died. I remember at first not taken it, I cried a lot and prayed even more.
That day I saw my family and had never seen, I saw my mother mourn for his brother as if one of his sons, in a way it was, my grandparents worked hard and girls made larger by of young children. My grandparents, when she saw her son on the coffin lost their sanity, my grandfather, who always saw it as a very composed, that day, to his most beloved son, who was called as he, who brought him business and their confidence, their first son, that day my grandfather collapsed. My grandmother cried inconsolably and ask forgiveness for not having understood, have been bad the night before my uncle had fought and Angel went well.
I never felt that they say hurts you soul, to me it does hurt. The sadness of his departure and the way he went, rumbling in my head and make me think of how little we are in our lives are insignificant to our destination. In the Mass, my grandmother took the microphone and toward all God told 'We surrender to our son, we know we gave it a short time and now you take it, stay with him, enlighten them with your light ... ' I remember thinking that parents should not bury their children, which should be the other way, we kids, say goodbye to our parents and let them go, knowing that we'll be okay and that they will be even better because it gave us life every day that we were with them ... But this ....
When we the cemetery, to say goodbye to Angel, his girlfriend of 10 years, the girl he was getting married, mariachis took him and sang 'Love Eternal', ever hear that song without thinking about them two, how much they wanted and everything I missed live. We were all around the casket and all I could think was, 'Angel, cuidanos much, do not leave us alone', inconsolable my grandparents and my aunts and my mother screaming at her brother not to go, my uncle Charles, the youngest , Alida and her friend, the baby of the family that was always one step behind him, he only said 'I told you so carnal ... I told you so. "Carnal several people use it here in Mexico to go to his brothers ...
I know I should make things as explicit, but only so I can let out the sadness that overwhelms me every time he comes to my mind that day ...
After that, well, it was very difficult to start, I remember that was un'mes to the entrance exam to university and could not think of anything other than Angel and how much I missed, I miss him, but thought better before deviate completely and remembered how much he supported me in life so I follow my dream, never let him go, he wanted to be a pilot but could not because he had dislocated his shoulder several times and could not fly a plane well, rather than pursue his dream, he studied law degree, and I think it was the best he could do, because he helped many people, more than once, worked without being paid, and always looking for others before himself. So I put the batteries and kept studying (here in San Luis is the best school of Medicine of Mexico, and I want to be a doctor, so other than going While high school, you have to prepare for one of the toughest entrance exams. 1300 people take the test, only 132 fall) and presented the test.
beating. I had made a deal with my uncle Carlos, if I walked into medicine, he was going to give the Mustang in an afternoon. He also kept his promise, and drove the car around with a smile on his face, reminding Angel, and saying out loud that my dream was beginning, my uncle Carlos was very excited about what he had achieved ...
year progressed and gradually things took a slightly normal course of our lives will never be the same without Angel, so it's normal as far as possible. My mom had a beautiful baby girl in December and we all filled with joy, although it was slightly overshadowed because my sister was born with respiratory failure and was 15 days in intensive care, but went well.
The day the child was born, my uncle Carlos I called my mom at night, my stepfather and I were still in the hospital with her, and said 'I love you carnal (hahaha), congratulations on your baby 'the uniqueness of this is that my uncle could barely speak as he was taken after he confessed that he had come to celebrate with his friends the arrival of his new niece.
Of all my uncles and aunts, Carlos has always been the most problematic in some ways, I think he liked attention, especially because it was the darling of my grandmother, she loved him, loves him. My aunts constantly fought with him because he had problems mortified my grandmother, although she did not complain, we knew that she cared much for him.
After the death of Angel, Carlos changed a lot, get angry very often, not talking to anyone, and we knew he wanted to take the place of Angel, who had always been concerned at all, say for all because more than one Once I got in a fight to me and everyone in the family, and it looks like my Uncle Charlie felt the responsibility to do the same, to take care of my grandparents and the problems that arose suddenly, that all was well at home, things like that. But one could feel like that I was winning the game to my uncle, he took more often and would get very angry about anything, but had its moments, like coming home from my grandmother on a Sunday afternoon (when we all gather here ) with a box of popsicles for everyone, a smile on your face and just saying 'Here I brought you, choose', I became a consummate fan of the cutter blades, and my birthday, right in November arrived with a bag full of pallets of strawberries just for me ...
My mom and I have always been very close, as only a mother and daughter can be, especially when no dad ... So more than once, confident that we have, we comment on how sad he looked my uncle Carlos ...
These Easter holidays, we were my mother, my stepfather, my siblings and I, to a beach, Acapulco, and we spent a very enjoyable holiday, I remember more than once have thought, that although the school is very difficult (as the devil, are the first vacation I appreciate the simple fact that they leave) the life we were smiling and was letting us have a little happiness and peace after everything we went last year.
My mom had an abortion in early 2007, then my parents went to USA with my brother, the plan was to stay there for a year, had left in February, but just four months later, they returned. My stepfather had left with permission to work there, all legally, my mom and my brother too, but the things I had promised my stepfather, and he was getting things were totally different things, I stayed in Mexico studying and stranger every day were not, they returned three weeks before it happened about my Uncle Angel. After Angel, all was well, or at least as well as could be. Then, near the end of the year, we had to see my sister struggling newborn to stay alive, I was in mortal danger for being premature, the truth is that I prayed for that end of the year.
So returning from the Easter holidays, we were preparing to continue the week of Easter, also resting. And it happened.
On Monday morning, my step-father, also named Carlos, came to my house with a face of concern and fear, and asked, 'What happened? "
'A disgrace ... " and I remember thinking, 'No please, no'
'Your Uncle Carlos ...'
'No please, it's not ...'
'had an accident on the road from Tampico, and died. "
was standing in the middle of my room with my mouth open not knowing what to say, what to do, this could not be happening, not again, not now. We agreed not to tell my mom to know what to do, my grandmother and my aunts had gone to the town where the body of my uncle, had a small hope that it was not him, were 4 people in the truck, my uncle Carlos , a friend, the wife of his friend and their daughter, a girl no older than 5 years. I had told Charles that two people had survived, there was a dead man and girl somehow hoped that my uncle was not him, even though they had already confirmed.
one of my aunts came to my house, Ma Elena, she is pregnant, and nobody had said anything to her, so when she called her husband (who had gone with my grandmother and my other aunts), my aunt altered much, he said he was going crazy not knowing anything, so my uncle said, and my mom heard I was up with the baby and the son of my aunt and my brother.
The cry of my mother and my aunt was something I will never forget 'No he did not! Also he did not! " and I just could hug my sister and mourn while they shouted, my aunt told again and again "God does not haciedo this may be because it rages against us, 'cause my mom !?!', inconsolable crying and my brother I wanted to go see it, I remember being asked,' They are killing my mother? "I think at that time my mom felt like she was being killed, more than once I had talked of how he helped when I was little girl to care for 'Carlillos' who had cared for since he was a baby, other children had left and this time there was nothing to comfort us, there were no words to explain.
I stayed with my brothers most of the time, while my mom was at the funeral home with my grandparents and my aunts, and while he was with children, was quiet, I thought that my uncle Charles is better as is with Angel, always a step after him, and in peace and without sorrow. When I went to say goodbye to him at the funeral, I promised a couple of things, but it broke my heart to see her daughter. He had a 6 year old girl, lived for a time in union with the girl and her mother, but things did not work. It gave me even more sad because my uncle also had a daughter Angel, 12, was with us the high school sweetheart, and the family knew at the funeral of it.
The two children were left without their parents and it breaks my heart. My grandparents took leave of him, just as they did with Angel, returning it to God and asking him to illuminate. Somehow it feels different, because at least we are certain that there are dponde want, somewhere in the sky, they are together.
conclude that thinking about them, and probably, knowing how I met them, must be in heaven laughing at how much we do battle, saying 'Esque not realize that we are better?' I know, I can almost hear, I think of them with a smile, together, my uncle Carlos scolding probably angels, 'I can not do anything without me follow the steps, right? " and from there we are watching.
I feel better off because he had not told anyone this, probably nobody knows anyway, but at least now I got it.
Carlos
Here is a charreada. ADIOS boys, I'll miss, but we will soon know it is.
0 comments:
Post a Comment